For this lenten season I am participating in a bible study group using the “No Greater Love” book and study by Dr. Edward Sri. Tonight something in particular struck me.
We were going over Peter’s threefold betrayal before the cock crowed, the look Jesus gave Peter as the cock crowed, and Peter going out where he wept bitterly and looked down at himself and what he had done.
Luke Chapter 22 vs 54And apprehending him, they led him to the high priest’s house. But Peter followed afar off. 55And when they had kindled a fire in the midst of the hall and were sitting about it, Peter was in the midst of them. 56Whom when a certain servant maid had seen sitting at the light and had earnestly beheld him, she said: This man also was with him. 57But he denied him, saying: Woman, I know him not. 58And after a little while, another seeing him, said: Thou also art one of them. But Peter said: O man, I am not. 59And after the space, as it were of one hour, another certain man affirmed, saying: Of a truth, this man was also with him: for he is also a Galilean. 60And Peter said: Man, I know not what thou sayest. And immediately, as he was yet speaking, the cock crew. 61And the Lord turning looked on Peter. And Peter remembered the word of the Lord, as he had said: Before the cock crow, thou shalt deny thrice. 62And Peter going out, wept bitterly.
Dr. Sri then goes to write, “The word Luke uses to describe Peter having “wept” (klainein) expresses a very emotional response.” Many uses of this particular word for weeping is when one is describing the way you would wail when someone close had died.
At this point I thought of the moments shortly after I was notified of my own fathers death. The uncontrollable wailing, no volume control, no way to calm myself, just this gut-wrenching scream that I could never replicate. This cry is so unique, so intense, and so cathartic. Even now when I think of his passing and wishing I could experience this total release of emotion and control, I can not.
I imagine Mary wept in similar ways as her own Son was persecuted, tortured, and ultimately put to death.
We are taught to throw our cares on the Lord.
Psalm 55 vs 22Cast your burden upon the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken.
In my ignorance I sometimes feel that God really doesn’t know or He can’t understand how I feel and I get angry. I want to turn away from Him because I see that He is the source of my pain. He willed this to happen, He allowed it. It’s moments like tonight as I am reflecting on this study that I realize that He does in fact know, Peter knows, Mary knows, as many others do.
How comforting this is to me. What a distinct honor that I can share in some very small part the anguish at this loss of Jesus and enter into a deeper union with those who have felt this pain.
Thankful and Blessed 